College Man

If you would have asked me where I saw David in 10 years at the beginning of our ordeal, I never would have said "A freshman at SUNY Purchase." But there he is, living in the dorm, doing his own laundry and somehow (hopefully) getting to classes.

David was accepted into Purchase's Merit Access Program where he gets a little guidance and direction. He had a four-day orientation in July and off he went in August.Life has a habit of surprising you sometimes.

To be continued....

College bound!

Just a quick post to let you know we're alive and kicking. David's been doing well at Millennium Brooklyn High School--with lots of support, prompts and reminders. Though it's a public school, it's small (for NY) with about 125 in his grade. Many high schools have more than a thousand in each grade. His teachers seem to "get" him. He puts in an effort and goes to office hours when he needs help. It's been touch and go at times...and more gray hairs for me, plotting his progress (or lack of!) on PupilPath, but he finished up 11th grade with a 83 average and scored 1100 on the SATs. That's enough to get him into a good state college. Yes, believe it or not, David is in 12th grade.

College...there, I said it. We've been looking at colleges these past two summers and MBHS is wonderful about bringing schools there. They have a robust support system and two college counselors who look over their essay and guide them in picking appropriate schools. Because David isn't the most motivated student, we're shying away from private schools. It doesn't make sense to spend 60K a year on a super competitive school where David might feel overwhelmed. Instead, we're focusing on colleges a couple of hours away in a rural setting. (David says he feels more relaxed and focused out of the city.) He really likes SUNY Dutchess, a community college in Poughkeepsie. It might be the perfect place for him to test his wings then transfer to a 4-year college if he decides to.

Stay tuned...

Checking in

Just a quick check in. David is now an 11th grader at MBHS. He's still off his meds and is doing...okay. It's still a struggle for him to focus but he'd rather work harder to get lower grades than to get higher grades and not feel like himself. Peter and I--and his doctor--stand behind his decision, though many parents don't. We have one of the few teenagers who has lobbied to get off drugs!

We looked at a few colleges this summer and David's looking toward SUNY schools in non-urban settings because he feels calmer out of the city. He continues to be a good young man who knows what he wants and is adamant about getting it. Although we sometimes worry where he'll end up and what he ends up doing (Peter more than me), ultimately, I think he'll be okay. I have no doubt that he'll find something he loves (almost as much as video games) and will excel at it. MBHS's college readiness course is keeping him on target.

There's our yearly IEP meeting next week but it no longer instills fear. Held in David's public school instead of at the DOE with people who don't know him, it's a chance to fine-tune his education in a friendly setting surrounded by people who "get" David and want to help him succeed. His dedicated teacher, advisor Mr. Wallin, who's just amazing and so supportive, and the assistant principal/head of special ed at MBHS.

When I look at where we were when I first started writing this blog, I never thought we'd be at this point. At a good place, looking toward colleges, with a thoughtful (but a bit lazy!) high school student.

I hope this neglected blog continues to help people who need it. Don't worry, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. And it's your child.

The Prodigal Daughter

I was shocked to discover that I haven't blogged in 18 months or so. I originally intended this blog to be an information source to help people weather the NYC education system to get their special needs child what they needed. In that way I've succeeded. But I am sadly remiss in not posting on a more regular basis.

As I write this, David is now 15 1/2 and just finishing his sophomore year at Millennium Brooklyn High School. We're lucky he made it into such a fine, caring public school. He had to write an essay, demonstrate an 85+ average and have a good attendance record. But I think it's his spirit and spark that got him there. This year, MBHS had more than 800 applicants for 125 seats. The staff is young, inventive and dedicated. They have "office hours" 3 days a week for extra help and the teachers are there (via email, in person) to give students whatever assistance they need. It's an amazing place.

Even more amazing is that David made the transition from a specialized school for kids with learning disabilities (Mary McDowell Friends School) with no more than 12 in a class to a general education setting with 30 or so in each class. But not without a lot of support and hands-on teaching. I was floored when one teacher, who is leaving to pursue her doctorate, confided that David was her favorite student in the whole school. And he basically struggled with her class. But I suppose that in his struggle to pass a difficult subject, she also saw his dedication.

Another milestone is that after years of lobbying to get off his ADHD meds, Peter and I finally relented and let him. It's been a struggle, he's still scattered and unorganized. Life for him (and us!) would be easier if he were still on his meds. But just the fact that he's willing to work harder to get lower grades tells us how miserable he was on them. He felt he wasn't himself and it was true; he was more introverted and insular. I wrote more about it here, for Ravishly, if you'd like to see more details: http://www.ravishly.com/2015/04/08/why-i-took-my-son-his-adhd-meds

Junior year will be a tough one. The SATs, college prep. But somehow, I know David will pull through all right. I don't know what he'll decided to choose as a career but I know it will be something he loves and feels passionate about. I also know he'll be great at it.

High School Hop

David was lucky to get a spot at a progressive new neighborhood high school, Millennium Brooklyn. Since it was a screened admission, he had to write a one-page essay, have an 85+ average and no more than 10 combined latnesses and absences. Then there were 2 interviews as well. I'm really proud he did well on all of the above. MBHS was the school the DOE chose from him as well, out of our top 3 choices (Essex and the Academy of Software and Engineering were the other two). He also got into Brooklyn Prospect, a local charter school, but we felt that MBHS was a better fit. They seemed to "get" him, are very approachable and are no strangers to an IEP. They don't just give lip service to LDs; they have an AP in charge of Special Ed.

It was a bit of a rocky start, which I attribute to David's body getting used to being back on his meds (he takes a break from them during the summer because they can affect growth). He was emotionally up and down by Wednesday, the 3rd day of school/meds, and had a mini meltdown at night. By Thursday morning, he was better, realizing that the things he was saying (about not being able to make friends when he was on his meds, not being funny on them, etc.) weren't true. He seems to have adjusted well to school, has a few friends and looks to be holding his own. We're guardedly optimistic. He doesn't like when we ask if he's done his homework--feels that we don't trust him or believe in him. But with his issues, he easily spaces out and needs to be reminded.

Parent-teacher conferences are next week and we get a progress report on Tuesday, so we'll have a better idea then. But all in all, we're happy with the school, although we think he can put more time and effort into his homework. That was a problem for him at MMFS as well, doing just enough but not more than he needed to do. Hopefully, we can convince him to change his work ethic, which will help him later on in life as well.

Kvelling

Last night, I was the picture of the Yiddish term kvelling, which means "swelling with pride." David had me kvelling when he took part in the monthly open-mic poetry reading during Ken Siegelman's Brooklyn Poetry Outreach at the Park Slope Barnes & Noble. Not only was he the first up but he was the only child to partake. He read in a clear, steady voice, enunciating perfectly (could have been a tad louder, though). No one could have known that only six years earlier he could barely read, let alone read aloud to a group of about 50, unfazed. He was fabulous! David read two poems that he'd written for school, "Julianna" and "The Helpful Power." The response was wonderful. I was just beaming with pride and so was Peter, who also read. I'd been taking part in these open-mic nights for months, reading excerpts from my ebook THE EL as well as poetry, but last night was indeed special.

It's the loving care and patience of all of the teachers at Mary McDowell Friends School that brought us to this happy moment. There is no way to thank them.

High School Quest

The High School quest is nearing its end. Last autumn was a flurry of open houses, visits, carefully scanning school websites online, sharing info with other parents, etc. It was a truly maddening process full of question and self-doubt. Now that David has the wonderful foundation that the Mary McDowell Friends School has built for him since third grade (i.e. teaching him how to read), it feels that it's time to move on.

Exploring all possibilities means looking at "appropriate" (read that "small and nurturing") public schools, supportive private schools and even special education schools just as backup just in case Option # 1 or # 2 don't work out. All of the schools on our final list seem wonderful, for different reasons, and now comes the task of choosing the right school. Or in the DOE's case, hoping they choose the right school for us.

All public schools have to say in their descriptions that they support their students' IEPs (they have to legally) but the question is, do they truly. A school like Edward R. Murrow has a wonderful reputation but has 4,000+ students, overwhelming for a student like David who has only 100 in his middle school. I can picture him getting lost between classes, not to mention floundering and being horribly distracted in classes with 35 students. Plus he is a bit small for his age, so I worry about bullying as well. That left us with a handful of choices.

He did well on the TACHs test, for Catholic school admission. There are 2 schools in particular (Xaverian and Bishop Ford) which have programs for kids with special needs. And coming from a private LD school, the tuitions seem reasonable, even affordable.

There's also an excellent school, Bay Ridge Prep, with two special programs with varying degrees of support.

           David en route to his half day test drive at Bay Ridge Prep.

Then there's that impressive charter school within walking distance, Brooklyn Prospect. But entry is on a lottery system. So, we won't know until April if our name is picked. We've also been out of town for any open houses they have and they claim they don't have the staff to do a school tour during the day. But they do give tours in May for accepted students, which might be too little, too late. But still, David has several friends who go to the middle school and really like it. But again, none of them have IEPs.

What would be the right fit? We're covering all bases, testing the waters all around. Ultimately, David (and we) would love to be in a bigger school, a "regular" school. We are hoping we get one of our top 2 choices of public schools. Whittled down from a list of 6 that we visited, and about twice that number that were in the running.

Our fingers are crossed. I'll post a more complete list of the schools we visited and feedback about each after we've made our choice.