Bi-Yearly Checkin

I noticed it's been almost 6 months since my last posting. I guess that's a sign that things are going well. David continues to improve at Mary McDowell Friends School and is almost performing at grade level. Albeit with tons of support, cues, and in a class of 12 with 2 teachers - plus much smaller groups for reading and math. The tuition is huge (almost as much as an Ivy League college costs) but it's worth every penny. He is confident, fun and empathetic, and also tries to get by doing as little work as possible. I'm not sure if this is because of his LD or just genetic. (One of his parents used to own a T-shirt that said, "Underachiever and proud of it." Hint: It wasn't me.)

David did well on his standardized tests with extra time and split between several days instead of over several hours like his non-LD classmates. He finished 6th grade with good reports and smiles. We had a wonderful summer mostly upstate, med-free. Lots of reminders about finishing the 2 books and accompanying 2 book reports he was assigned. But they got done, a little carelessly, but that's the nature of his beast, especially medication-free.

7th grade got off to a decent start almost 2 weeks ago. It marked the first time he would be commuting regularly to and from school via the train. (Although he did it a couple of times last year when the bus was really late or delayed by weather.) After pizza with his buds the first day, he ended up getting on the G train in the wrong direction but realized it at the first stop, jumped off and asked a cop how to get to his home stop. Got home safe and sound but lost his sneakers (long story). Has managed to keep track of his cell phone and train pass. And also learned that school transit passes still work after being washed.

Peter and I had our annual dance with the DOE and had to view the "appropriate" placement they found for him in a local school, the Secondary School for Law, which is housed in the John Jay High School complex. The metal detector was a nice touch. As was noticing 3 wall clocks during our visit, all with completely wrong times displayed--especially helpful for kids with LDs who don't know what time it is anyway. The 12:1:1 class had only 5 students. The 3 present were totally unengaged, despite the personal attention and efforts of their young, hip teachers (tattoo & nasal jewelry). The windows were thrown open to 7th Avenue's loud bus traffic and even adults without concentration issues had trouble following. Wrong on so many levels, and again, the sadness for the kids with no other alternative.

         Us three, this past summer.

Who knows what this year will bring for David. He is taking great joy in books, something I never expected. A trip to his prescribing doctor will tell if he needs a medication adjustment, which I assume he does because he's grown over the summer. MMFS staff has already noticed a bit of inattentiveness and is going to put him on a therapeutic listening program. Stay tuned!

Up to Speed

When I started this blog, I intended it to mainly be an information source for other parents of LD kids rather than a blow-by-blow description of our daily lives. But I cringe when I realized that I hadn't made an entry since last July. Here's my shot at a quick incapsulation of our lives since the summer. We traveled to Alaska the first two weeks of August, upholding David's request to visit a different national park every vacation. It was an incredible educational experience between the expansive parks, wildlife and incredible salmon fishing where David landed several whoppers and caught our lunch/dinner. His transition to middle school at the newly-renamed Mary McDowell Friends School went well, with a few bumps in the road in the beginning. There was a lot more homework (at least in the beginning) which he dragged out and made even longer. Things seem to have evened out. He's had two good parent-teacher conferences since then but still manages to be a master procrastinator, just like his dad. David seems to like having more responsibility and we are determined not to remind him a dozen times about his homework, leaving it to him to get it done. As per MMFS, we don't check it but he seems to do okay, has only had a few "re-do's" and even a few "check plusses." Our CES meeting with the DOE in the beginning of March went well, we think, though the psychologist seemed a bit testy with David's teacher, who kept reminding her that just because a child with LDs is in a better setting doesn't mean that the LD goes away completely. His reading and math have greatly improved but are still below grade level. We'll see when we get the IEP in the mail. And we recently heard that the DOE settled with us before going to impartial hearing, for a bit more than last year, which is great because the tuition went up, as it does every year. But I can't imagine David being in a public school setting because those programs are sorely lacking. In September, I visited the Brooklyn School for Global Studies where they found a spot for David, sending me this letter at the end of June, when there was no time to view the school. So I had to write a letter, as I do every year, explaining that I would be happy to look at the placement school...in September when school is in session. Of course, it was abysmal, on so many levels. I'm sure they will send an "appropriate placement" for next year which will be grossly inadequate. We recently had a checkup with David's behavioral specialist (the one who prescribes the meds) and she was very impressed at how much he has progressed, even over the past year. He scored higher on tests she administered and his curve has been even greater since he first started coming to her 3 years ago. Dr. V talked about some of her patients in 12:1:1 programs in public schools, how they have issues with bullies and how terrible the classes are. And how lucky we are to have a space in MMFS. I am thankful for this every day. As a person, David continues to develop into his own unique self. Still very into video games and role playing games. He has a great sense of humor and enjoys looking at funny vids online, especially involving animals. Some days he says he wants to be a zoologist, others a video game maker, others a psychologist. He doesn't seem to want to get rid of his toys, though he barely plays with them--just the dragons, weapons, and action figures. I know someday soon, he'll want to get rid of the kid stuff. Something I both look forward to and dread. He even took the train to school alone a few times. I worked him up from walking there while we took the same train to taking the train himself (after walking him to the station) when the bus was really late. Next year, I think we'll transition him into commuting himself. It's only 5 stops and about 4 blocks, a walk he knows well. My, how he has grown...

David ready to take the train alone to school for the first time in September 2011. No more "short bus."

Reading in Bed

Last night, David and I were reading in bed. A sight I never, ever thought I'd see. Well, we'd also gotten an air conditioner in the trailer upstate, another sight I never thought I'd see, but we relented to the horrible heat wave and put one in our living room/kitchen. So David and I were camping out on the uncomfortable sofabed. I glanced over at him, above my book and there he was, reading a "Smokey the Bear" comic book he'd gotten many years earlier on a trip to New Mexico. He smiled at me and gleefully said, "Let's read our chapter books," and picked up Bunnicula (which is on his summer reading homework) while I reached for "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." It was a great moment. One I never thought I'd see pre-Mary McDowell.

So, never lose hope...

Weird Al as Teacher

I never thought I'd be grateful to "Weird Al" Yankovic, but I am. David went though a faze of being fascinated by his videos and sought them out on YouTube. First it was "Yoda" to the tune of The Kinks' "Lola," and so on.

This might not be a big deal to you but to me it was astounding. David had to figure out how to spell, was reading, practicing his keyboarding (fine motor skills), and so on. He was memorizing the lyrics and sharing them with others, including his teachers, who let the class watch these videos during "pack up time" at the end of the school day.

So, don't underestimate the power of video. Even Weird Al can be a teacher.

"Stevie just didn't get the right life."

We just spent the weekend with David's older cousin who has ADD and other issues. Stevie made his way through the public school system with an IEP, wasted years in the Resource Room which did little good, and was socially promoted. At 21, he is struggling to graduate from a two-year program in four years and counting. Stevie is despressed, awkward socially, terribly immature and understandably, without a girlfriend. But we love him dearly. He's the older brother David never had.

Driving home from dropping Stevie off at the bus station (a big deal traveling alone--his mom thought he would get lost, his dad thought he would get cornholed in a Port Authority bathroom), David and I had the following conversation after I sad Stevie could be a bit silly:

David: Do you mean another word?
Me: Like stupid? I would never call another person stupid. Do you think Stevie's stupid?
David: I just think Stevie didn't get the right life. He didn't go to a school that knew how to teach him the right way.

There was Stevie's life in a nutshell from a 10-year-old with dyslexia and ADHD. I went on to tell David that he had a knack for seeing this clearly and for describing them plainly, for understanding people other sometimes didn't. "Thank you," he told me.

The moral of this story. Fight, fight, fight to get your child what they need, to get them in a school that's right for them. Yes, it might cost more than $40,000 a year. You might have to fight tooth and nail with the DOE each year to get partially reimbursed and hire a lawyer besides. But it's worth it. If we ever are forced to have an impartial hearing with the DOE (which I pray we don't!), I will gladly tell them Stevie's story.

I'm glad David got the right life.

The Teacher

I couldn't believe it a few days ago when I overheard David trying to explain impulsivity to an adult cousin who also has ADD. "You do stuff before you think," he said, exasperated, as the fellow kept messing up on a video game. Then David proceeded to do his best to set the guy straight. Later, at dinner, F pretty much told me that he was floored. At 21 years old no one, not a teacher in the resource room in grammar school or a psychologist, had put it to him quite like that. In a way he could understand and was dead on. I felt great about David but also sad for F because if his single mom could have afforded a place like MMCL rather than keep him in the public school system (she had no choice and was struggling to get by as it was) he wouldn't have had many of the issues he faced now--taking 4+ years to get out of a 2 year college program, social challenges, etc.

A few days earlier David told me that when he got older, he might want to teach at MMCL. "I think I can help kids with learning disabilities," he said. But he was talking about gym, not teaching statistics. Be that as it may, it's a good start.

Big Boy Alert

One of the highlights of my day, no matter how long and hectic, has been settling down to read aloud to David every night. Early on, it was just me who did the reading but then we graduated to him reading the protagonist's part of whatever book we happened to be reading. Sometimes he was Little Bear, others Percy Jackson or Fireheart from the "Warriors" series. He would barter for extra time, snuggling beneath the covers on my bed as we read to each other.

Gradually, I noticed that he made less mistakes, that he read with more inflection. We graduated to chapter books then longer chapter books. I was amazed at the progress he'd made the last year alone.

Then last night, David got very serious and asked me to promise that my feelings wouldn't be hurt. I braced myself, silently knowing what was coming. "I'm reading a lot better now..." he began, trying to let me down easy. (I hoped he would break up with his first girlfriend with that much care...) "But you think you're old enough to read on your own at night," I finished for him. We talked about it a little more, me explaining that although I loved our nighttime reads, I also know that he's growing up and I have to learn to accept that even though it might be hard.

But David promised not to leave me in the lurch. "Not right away," he promised. "I can't leave you hanging in the middle of a book." So, we will finish the 2nd installment of The Warriors and he will continue on his own.

A triumph in one way but a little sad in another.