The long and winding road to educating David

A short time ago, a friend asked if I wouldn't mind speaking with her sister, who had a child with a different learning style and was about to embark upon the long, difficult journey of trying to get the New York City Department of Education to educate her son. I was happy to and in the end, sent her some helpful hints which I compiled from my "Useful Numbers" and "Tracking Document" (which currently was 14 pages in length) to both help her learn what to expect and what she needed to do in the coming months to get Ruben what he needed.

Not two weeks after, I ran into a mom from David's former school, who asked if I could prep her and share with her what I'd experienced to help her daughter secure a spot in a school that better suited her needs.

I am in no way an expert or a professional. I am just a mom who set out on a quest to get her son educated in a way that worked for him. I had no clue what an IEP was. Or how to get an IAP. Or how to ensure that David received the "free and appropriate education" that he was promised, that was his right. But little by little, I learned. I'm happy to share it with you and hope that it helps.


Helpful Hints

I hope you find the information below helpful. I pieced it together from various tracking documents I’ve kept during our long, hard battle with the Department of Education to educate our dyslexic son David.

IAPs:
Jeanine Pollack, independent IAP/neuropsychologyst, Neuropsychological Arts, 26 Court Street, Bklyn, NY 11201, 718-237-2333, ext 11, a private evaluation is done over two full days and she writes a detailed (ours was 27 pages) report. Janine is great, very gentle, personable and capable.

The NYU Child Study Center, 212-263-6622, also does evaluations, shorter waiting time. http://www.aboutourkids.org/

Attorneys:Neal Rosenberg, 9 Murray Street, Suite 4W, NY 10007. 212-732-9450, one of the top 2 attorneys whose offices solely handle disputes against the Dept of Education. (The other is Regina Skyler, who specializes in autism) Neal gives a free consultation. After you sign with him, a certain amount is due and you have to keep suing the Dept of Ed each year. The team in Neal's office works together, they're all very capable, very accessible and supportive, real pros.

Schools:
The 4 schools that are Bd of Ed funded (they take $$ directly from Bd of Ed):
Churchill (E 29th, NYC)
Lowell (Queens)
Community School (Teaneck, NJ)
Gateway (W 61st St, NYC)

Open houses at various schools start as early as October for the following year. When you file admissions application there’s an application fee, usually between $50 and $100. You also need to provide copies of various school reports. I would contact a school at any time of the year, though, as people move out of state, change jobs, school status changes and openings can occur.

I’ve visited two of the above during open houses in early 2007. They are:

Churchill School, 301 East 29th Street, 212-722-0610, http://www.churchillschool.com/
I loved Churchill. We sent in an application but they said David didn't meet their profile. They said he has the skills but couldn't access them. (But isn't that exactly the type a child this sort of school would benefit?) Anyway, it has a big, beautiful campus, each floor was color-coded so students wouldn’t get lost (people who reverse numbers and letters often have a hard time figuring out what floor they’re on…2, 3, 5…all look the same.) Churchill goes from grade K-12.

The Gateway School, 211 West 61st Street, 6th floor New York, New York 10023 , 212-777-5966
http://www.gatewayschool.org/
Gateway was the first school I looked at and I didn’t like it. (However, I looked at it when it was located on Second Avenue, between 14th & 15th Street, so things could have changed since then.) In retrospect, I think I was shell-shocked that my child wasn't "normal" and might actually need a place like this. Maybe I was a bit judgmental and wasn't looking at the school with an open mind. Or maybe it was the icky parents at the open house who were most impressed with the school because of the beautiful renovation! I just wanted to find a place that would teach my kid to read. A good deal of the students seemed to have sensory issues; they called an assembly so we could see the student population, which wasn’t very ethnically diverse.

Private Schools:The Sterling School, 299 Pacific Street, Brooklyn NY 11201, 718-625-3502, http://www.sterlingschool.com/
Ruth Arberman started the school seven years ago for dyslexic son who’s now in 11th grade. She also teaches there and runs the whole shebang. The staff is Orton Gillingham-trained in multisensory educational tactics, a very successful reading program for kids with dyslexia and other language-based learning disabilities. The first time I called, Ruth spoke to me for an hour or more. She's a dynamo, full of information, extremely knowledgeable and very willing to help anyone who has a child with LD's. The school is tiny, in the ground floor of a brownstone, with less than 30 students. David was accepted here but we decided to go with a larger school with more on-site amenities (like OT, a gym). It was a difficult decision because Ruth is such an incredible woman.

And finally, David's school:
The Mary McDowell Center for Learning, 20 Bergen Street (lower elementary), 135 Summit Street (middle school), 23 Sidney Place (upper school), Brooklyn, NY, 11201, 718-625-3939- main number, Susan Krim, admissions. http://marymcdowell.org/
An independent Friends school for children with learning disabilities, has a little more than 200 students total in grades pre-k to 10 (they are adding a grade a year in high school, so in 2013 they will have 12 grades), the staff is very supportive, understanding and caring, and really wants your child to succeed. At parent-teacher conferences, the focus is on what your child does right, not what they do wrong. They follow the Quaker tenets of acceptance, community and fellowship, and also practice group moments of silence. It truly feels like family.

Important tip:
Keep a written record/tracking document with dates of meetings, what was discussed, what changes were implemented, etc., just in case you have to sue the Dept of Ed in the future. It’s more ammunition for you since they are shoddy with their record-keeping and the burden of proof rests with them, not you. In other words, they have to prove that they are providing your child with a “free and appropriate education” (their catch phrase).

Also, when a change is implemented by the Dept of Ed/your child's current school, it must be in place for 30 days to determine whether or not the new tactic is working. But hold them to the time frame (they easily lose track and often things fall between the cracks). If you’re not happy with the results, tell them so and ask for something else to be implemented.

Hang tough and be a persistent. It’s a long, hard road but well worth it in the end. Good luck!

Friday, June 25, 2021

Fast Forward...Four Years

Life has gotten the way of this blog. I had a recurrence of breast cancer (2019), got a new knee (2021) but David still plugs ahead. He's 21 and taking an extra semester to graduate from SUNY Purchase, which is fine given the challenges of the pandemic. He's majoring in economics and minoring in screenwriting. There were times I didn't think he would get out of grade school, let alone get into college. I have every confidence he'll graduate. But like everything else, he will do it in his own time.

I'm just updating to keep assuring parents who are at the beginning of this long road that there is hope and there is an endgame.


Sunday, April 15, 2018

Second Semester

With a lot of determination and some realization, David made it through his first semester in college, even braving the top bunk in a crowded triple room. He passed all five of his classes with C's and B's, carrying 17 credits. Although his GPA was only 2.25, I couldn't be happier given his learning challenges, adjusting to living on his own and to living in a new place. I was just happy he didn't fail anything!

Midway through his first term, David realized that he needed his meds to help him concentrate. I was glad that his developmental doc convinced him to take a filled prescription away with him "just in case." Maybe a combination of realizing his limitations and seeing other people on the meds helped with the decision to continue taking Ritalin just on the four days he had classes.

David's grades seem to be much stronger his second semester. Two of his three midterms had grades in the 90s. I'm not sure if it's the Ritalin or the fact that he's more comfortable at college. He's matured so much, I can't get over it. Over winter break, he finally got his learner's permit and his dad started taking him out for driving lessons. Their road trip after school ends and life guarding begins will further hone his skills on the road. He'll hopefully be ready to take his road test before summer's end.

One of his roommates didn't come back after winter break--he said his family couldn't afford college. At least David got to move down to a lower bunk, which was handy when he got the flu. (He didn't tell me about it until it was over. He was afraid I'd be mad because he refused to get the flu vaccine. But somehow, I had a feeling he got the flu.) I felt bad I wasn't there to take care of him but he managed on his own, going to the nurse when he felt really sick, getting meds and only missing a couple of classes before he recovered. It's amazing what they can accomplish on their own.

Tough to believe there are only a couple of weeks left in the semester and tomorrow David registers for fall classes.

David with his dad and grandma on the Purchase campus.

Saturday, October 7, 2017

College Man

If you would have asked me where I saw David in 10 years at the beginning of our ordeal, I never would have said "A freshman at SUNY Purchase." But there he is, living in the dorm, doing his own laundry and somehow (hopefully) getting to classes.

David was accepted into Purchase's Merit Access Program where he gets a little guidance and direction. He had a four-day orientation in July and off he went in August.Life has a habit of surprising you sometimes.

To be continued....


Wednesday, September 28, 2016

College bound!

Just a quick post to let you know we're alive and kicking. David's been doing well at Millennium Brooklyn High School--with lots of support, prompts and reminders. Though it's a public school, it's small (for NY) with about 125 in his grade. Many high schools have more than a thousand in each grade. His teachers seem to "get" him. He puts in an effort and goes to office hours when he needs help. It's been touch and go at times...and more gray hairs for me, plotting his progress (or lack of!) on PupilPath, but he finished up 11th grade with a 83 average and scored 1100 on the SATs. That's enough to get him into a good state college. Yes, believe it or not, David is in 12th grade.

College...there, I said it. We've been looking at colleges these past two summers and MBHS is wonderful about bringing schools there. They have a robust support system and two college counselors who look over their essay and guide them in picking appropriate schools. Because David isn't the most motivated student, we're shying away from private schools. It doesn't make sense to spend 60K a year on a super competitive school where David might feel overwhelmed. Instead, we're focusing on colleges a couple of hours away in a rural setting. (David says he feels more relaxed and focused out of the city.) He really likes SUNY Dutchess, a community college in Poughkeepsie. It might be the perfect place for him to test his wings then transfer to a 4-year college if he decides to.

Stay tuned...

Friday, December 4, 2015

Checking in

Just a quick check in. David is now an 11th grader at MBHS. He's still off his meds and is doing...okay. It's still a struggle for him to focus but he'd rather work harder to get lower grades than to get higher grades and not feel like himself. Peter and I--and his doctor--stand behind his decision, though many parents don't. We have one of the few teenagers who has lobbied to get off drugs!

We looked at a few colleges this summer and David's looking toward SUNY schools in non-urban settings because he feels calmer out of the city. He continues to be a good young man who knows what he wants and is adamant about getting it. Although we sometimes worry where he'll end up and what he ends up doing (Peter more than me), ultimately, I think he'll be okay. I have no doubt that he'll find something he loves (almost as much as video games) and will excel at it. MBHS's college readiness course is keeping him on target.

There's our yearly IEP meeting next week but it no longer instills fear. Held in David's public school instead of at the DOE with people who don't know him, it's a chance to fine-tune his education in a friendly setting surrounded by people who "get" David and want to help him succeed. His dedicated teacher, advisor Mr. Wallin, who's just amazing and so supportive, and the assistant principal/head of special ed at MBHS.

When I look at where we were when I first started writing this blog, I never thought we'd be at this point. At a good place, looking toward colleges, with a thoughtful (but a bit lazy!) high school student.

I hope this neglected blog continues to help people who need it. Don't worry, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. And it's your child.

Sunday, June 21, 2015

The Prodigal Daughter

I was shocked to discover that I haven't blogged in 18 months or so. I originally intended this blog to be an information source to help people weather the NYC education system to get their special needs child what they needed. In that way I've succeeded. But I am sadly remiss in not posting on a more regular basis.

As I write this, David is now 15 1/2 and just finishing his sophomore year at Millennium Brooklyn High School. We're lucky he made it into such a fine, caring public school. He had to write an essay, demonstrate an 85+ average and have a good attendance record. But I think it's his spirit and spark that got him there. This year, MBHS had more than 800 applicants for 125 seats. The staff is young, inventive and dedicated. They have "office hours" 3 days a week for extra help and the teachers are there (via email, in person) to give students whatever assistance they need. It's an amazing place.

Even more amazing is that David made the transition from a specialized school for kids with learning disabilities (Mary McDowell Friends School) with no more than 12 in a class to a general education setting with 30 or so in each class. But not without a lot of support and hands-on teaching. I was floored when one teacher, who is leaving to pursue her doctorate, confided that David was her favorite student in the whole school. And he basically struggled with her class. But I suppose that in his struggle to pass a difficult subject, she also saw his dedication.

Another milestone is that after years of lobbying to get off his ADHD meds, Peter and I finally relented and let him. It's been a struggle, he's still scattered and unorganized. Life for him (and us!) would be easier if he were still on his meds. But just the fact that he's willing to work harder to get lower grades tells us how miserable he was on them. He felt he wasn't himself and it was true; he was more introverted and insular. I wrote more about it here, for Ravishly, if you'd like to see more details: http://www.ravishly.com/2015/04/08/why-i-took-my-son-his-adhd-meds

Junior year will be a tough one. The SATs, college prep. But somehow, I know David will pull through all right. I don't know what he'll decided to choose as a career but I know it will be something he loves and feels passionate about. I also know he'll be great at it.


Friday, October 11, 2013

High School Hop

David was lucky to get a spot at a progressive new neighborhood high school, Millennium Brooklyn. Since it was a screened admission, he had to write a one-page essay, have an 85+ average and no more than 10 combined latnesses and absences. Then there were 2 interviews as well. I'm really proud he did well on all of the above. MBHS was the school the DOE chose from him as well, out of our top 3 choices (Essex and the Academy of Software and Engineering were the other two). He also got into Brooklyn Prospect, a local charter school, but we felt that MBHS was a better fit. They seemed to "get" him, are very approachable and are no strangers to an IEP. They don't just give lip service to LDs; they have an AP in charge of Special Ed.

It was a bit of a rocky start, which I attribute to David's body getting used to being back on his meds (he takes a break from them during the summer because they can affect growth). He was emotionally up and down by Wednesday, the 3rd day of school/meds, and had a mini meltdown at night. By Thursday morning, he was better, realizing that the things he was saying (about not being able to make friends when he was on his meds, not being funny on them, etc.) weren't true. He seems to have adjusted well to school, has a few friends and looks to be holding his own. We're guardedly optimistic. He doesn't like when we ask if he's done his homework--feels that we don't trust him or believe in him. But with his issues, he easily spaces out and needs to be reminded.

Parent-teacher conferences are next week and we get a progress report on Tuesday, so we'll have a better idea then. But all in all, we're happy with the school, although we think he can put more time and effort into his homework. That was a problem for him at MMFS as well, doing just enough but not more than he needed to do. Hopefully, we can convince him to change his work ethic, which will help him later on in life as well.